So after some investigation during the course of several workdays I finally got a lead on what makes the Tardis sound everyday at work. So far I'm the only person who has reacted to the Tardis sound. A few times I've quickly glanced around corners when it sounded close by. I'm sure some of the soda stockers think I'm a little crazy. The sound was always louder near them but I never ever saw one of them pull out a cell phone. It happened when I was in a part of the building I don't frequent. I was walking near the produce and I heard the Tardis again. I immediately veered towards the sound. I couldn't find anything that looked likely, but I did notice that the sound stopped at the exact moment that the vegetable misters turned off. You know how there's usually a vegetable wall in the produce section that periodically gets misted with water, for freshness I imagine. I made a mental note of that and went back to what I was doing. When I clocked out at the end of my shift I returned to the veggie wall and stared at it until the water turned on again. Again it coincided with the Tardis sound. I observed a little longer just in case it was a coincidence but no, the two consistently happen together. So now I have an answer to my Tardis mystery! I think it's pretty awesome that a random machine makes the Tardis sound and that it's not just a ringtone. There's something quirky about that that makes me smile.
Well, that's it's for this post. I would write more, want to write more, but my anxiety is making it difficult. There will be more later.
Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Thursday, September 25, 2014
A Dual Reality
This week has been a mixture of good and pain. Such a crazy mixture that makes no sense. I have confidence again. I feel more solid and just more myself this week. My anxiety is so low. It's awesome! I don't know how my anxiety is low. With the past 2 weeks that I've had, it should be a bit higher than normal. But no, I'm finding myself speaking up more and just being spontaneously myself. It just feels like Jesus took all my prayers and all the crazy parts of my life and made them make sense again. Up is up and down is down again. What doesn't make sense is that so much is still happening in my life and I'm finding challenges around every corner. I've had conversations with people that have hurt me in the past and I haven't gone off into anxietyland. That's rare and it makes me feel so strong. To face a huge PTSD trigger and not get triggered is one of the best feelings for someone who has freaked out over much smaller triggers.
It's such a weird dual reality, being happy and sad at the same time. I'm happy because I'm not struggling with anxiety. I'm being myself and that's something I've missed since I had that last bad PTSD episode. I'm sad because with the clarity came a realization that was painful. The heart is so hard to understand and pretty much impossible to control. You can't make your heart feel something that's not there and you can't remove something that is there. You just can't force your heart. With my realization came an action step that I had to take, not just for my sake. It was hard. I think it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. Nobody ever tells you that when you end a relationship with someone you care deeply about, it breaks a part of your heart, even when you're the one to initiate it and only feel friendship for that person. It breaks your heart because you care so much about that person. You want only good for that person. What hurts so bad is in order to do the loving thing, you have to first do something that hurts the other person, because they deserve more than what you can give them. Friendship is a powerful force of love in its own right, but in a relationship, it's not fair to the other person to stay if friendship is the only force of love. It hurt like heck. I am not happy. I am not bouncing around rejoicing the return of my singleness. I'm sad because in order to love a friend well, I had to hurt that friend.
So yeah, gosh, I'm single again and my family will be pulling out their mourning clothes after reading this. My family was so happy when I told them I was in a relationship. For some of them, it was shear relief that I wasn't a lesbian like they had begun to suspect. Apparently when you go 6 years without having a boyfriend, people begin to wonder if you're even into men. It shocked me to hear their fears, but I set them straight. No pun intended lol. I am once again the spinster of the family. The future is just as unknowable as ever.
In other news, I have started watching classic Doctor Who and really digging it! It's so different and the same thing at the same time! One thing I have noticed is the Doctor is not running from the next thing to the next thing like he's being timed. He's just kinda chilling. Each reincarnation of him is a little different and I love that about the Doctor. The older episodes have such a classy feel to them, like watching an old, well loved classic movie. Speaking of the Doctor, I literally hear the Tardis every day at work. I'm still trying to discover the source of that unique sound. It's possible that it's a ringtone, but if so it's a very powerful and consistent one. I've hurriedly turned corners looking for the source of the noise and I've yet to see someone whipping their phone out of their pocket. It sounds like it's coming from the ceiling. I will, of course, keep investigating this phenomenon. Speaking of work, did you know that there is a such thing as make up for your legs? I was stocking make up today for 4 hours. I know nothing about the stuff but, do people really put it on their legs???
Well, that's all I got this time. Thanks for reading.
-Kawika
It's such a weird dual reality, being happy and sad at the same time. I'm happy because I'm not struggling with anxiety. I'm being myself and that's something I've missed since I had that last bad PTSD episode. I'm sad because with the clarity came a realization that was painful. The heart is so hard to understand and pretty much impossible to control. You can't make your heart feel something that's not there and you can't remove something that is there. You just can't force your heart. With my realization came an action step that I had to take, not just for my sake. It was hard. I think it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. Nobody ever tells you that when you end a relationship with someone you care deeply about, it breaks a part of your heart, even when you're the one to initiate it and only feel friendship for that person. It breaks your heart because you care so much about that person. You want only good for that person. What hurts so bad is in order to do the loving thing, you have to first do something that hurts the other person, because they deserve more than what you can give them. Friendship is a powerful force of love in its own right, but in a relationship, it's not fair to the other person to stay if friendship is the only force of love. It hurt like heck. I am not happy. I am not bouncing around rejoicing the return of my singleness. I'm sad because in order to love a friend well, I had to hurt that friend.
So yeah, gosh, I'm single again and my family will be pulling out their mourning clothes after reading this. My family was so happy when I told them I was in a relationship. For some of them, it was shear relief that I wasn't a lesbian like they had begun to suspect. Apparently when you go 6 years without having a boyfriend, people begin to wonder if you're even into men. It shocked me to hear their fears, but I set them straight. No pun intended lol. I am once again the spinster of the family. The future is just as unknowable as ever.
In other news, I have started watching classic Doctor Who and really digging it! It's so different and the same thing at the same time! One thing I have noticed is the Doctor is not running from the next thing to the next thing like he's being timed. He's just kinda chilling. Each reincarnation of him is a little different and I love that about the Doctor. The older episodes have such a classy feel to them, like watching an old, well loved classic movie. Speaking of the Doctor, I literally hear the Tardis every day at work. I'm still trying to discover the source of that unique sound. It's possible that it's a ringtone, but if so it's a very powerful and consistent one. I've hurriedly turned corners looking for the source of the noise and I've yet to see someone whipping their phone out of their pocket. It sounds like it's coming from the ceiling. I will, of course, keep investigating this phenomenon. Speaking of work, did you know that there is a such thing as make up for your legs? I was stocking make up today for 4 hours. I know nothing about the stuff but, do people really put it on their legs???
Well, that's all I got this time. Thanks for reading.
-Kawika
Sunday, September 21, 2014
The Downtown Detour/We Can't Even Direction Right Now/Where The Eff Are We???
I had a very interesting, amazing, awesometastic Saturday! I say that with absolutely no hint of sarcasm in case you were wondering. I'm one of those people that, when things don't go according to plan, even drastically, I count it as an adventure! I've had many such adventures and this was one of those times.
This trip was planned months ago. I recently started dating a guy I met my freshman year of college. He was there during some of my memorable college days adventures: the bus wreck, the 2 tornadoes, the flashflood, and my first broken bone are some honorable mentions. He lives near Cincinnati, OH and I live in Kentucky so it's a little bit of a long distance relationship. This trip was actually the first time we saw each other in person since we started dating. We, along with my 3 roommates, were going to meet at his apartment and go to the Cincinnati Zoo and also see some sights in the big city. None of us ladies had ever been to Cincinnati.
I must say, the zoo was the best zoo I've ever visited. I saw my first arctic fox and snow leopard there. My favorites tend to be the big cats and penguins. The lion exhibit was amazing. It wasn't labeled very well, which actually worked in our favor. We looked down a random path and were like "Wonder where this leads. Let's find out." We found my personal favorite, the lions! I am 4ft 9in. I have trouble seeing in crowds, but since the place wasn't labeled well, the crowd was small and I could see just fine. While we were there one of the lions stood up and started to roar. Of course I was transfixed. Lions are my favorite, have been since I was about 5 years old. Right after that I saw my first Manatee. I must say, the Manatee was fantastic. I could have stayed in that exhibit for hours. The underwater viewing area was very calming and worked wonders for my anxiety. We also checked out the insect exhibit. I knew it was going to be interesting and I wasn't disappointed lol. So many creepy crawlies. I did find a big glass container full of walking stick bugs. I'm a little strange. I am not afraid of spiders. I am afraid of centipedes and walking stick bugs. I got way too close to the glass before I realized what was inside! *Involuntary shiver* And some of those walking sticks were HUGE and the name for that particular variety suggested strongly that they could jump. Thanks for the nightmares Cincinnati Zoo.
There are 2 more things I'd like to say about the Cincinnati Zoo. First, we looked at the exhibit for the last carrier pigeon and my boyfriend pointed out to me that the building it was housed in was one of the original buildings for the Cincinnati Zoo. I find facts like that fascinating. It's like I get to personally encounter a piece of history. The other thing was the parking lot. I know, what could possibly be interesting about the parking lot? Well, a few weeks ago I came across a picture online of a parking lot with covered parking for cars. The parking spaces were shaded by solar panels! That's a double benefit and an inspiring idea. Cars don't get super hot and clean energy is harvested. The Cincinnati Zoo parking lot was exactly like that. I got so excited and had to explain my excitement to everyone. I mean, really, who gets excited about a parking lot?
It was after the zoo that things got really adventurous and interesting. My boyfriend wanted to show us a bit of the city. We got a bit more than we bargained for lol. That day just happened to be Comic Con and a Cincy Reds game day. Cars and people everywhere! I don't have much experience with big cities so the traffic jam didn't bother me at all. It gave me more time to take in the sights. It was very educational. I had assumed most cities were basically the same. Not so. Cincinnati is terrifying! We passed a lot of run down places with abandoned houses. The city beautification project had been around painting doors and covering windows. I found that slightly creepy. We also passed a heated yelling argument on the side of the road that involved a good sized group of people. It sounded and looked like any moment that fight was going to come to blows. It was a much bigger and rougher city than I currently live in. It was a place that you couldn't pay me to get out of the car and walk just a block on my own. I know we girls would have been freaking out if we were alone in the city without a guy. We would have hightailed it out of there fast. But we did have one guy and that made us all feel a bit more secure. I don't know how guys deal with feeling like they're in danger, especially if there are ladies present who are looking to the man for protection.
I must mention the awesome cop! We encountered a significant problem in the traffic jam. Cars crossing our road when they had the green light were blocking the intersection and when we got the green light, nobody could move forward. It was getting ridiculous when a cop showed up and stood on the street corner. He started raking people across the coals for daring to block the intersection. One man in particular got more than a mouthful from this cop. I guess the cop made an example of him because the intersection cleared up fast after that and we got to move forward. We had our windows down and shouted "THANK YOU!!" to the cop as we passed.
It was after awesome cop that we ran into trouble. One of my roommates has a great memory for turns and road names. I could not have remember so much. So, with tons of her help, this is what happened.
We took a wrong turn left onto 50E. It was the opposite direction from where we wanted to go. We took another left onto Torrence and tried to find a place to turn around. Funny enough, we passed a cul-de-sac and a parking lot where we could have turned around. One of my roommates didn't let those opportunities pass silently lol. She became quite the backseat driver and the exchanges between her and my boyfriend got funnier and funnier as we got deeper into this problem lol. We turned left onto a one way street connected to a parking lot and attempted to turn around there. Unfortunately the way the roads connected, that was impossible. Sad day. So we turned right on Madison instead and found ourselves headed back into the city. We did not need to be heading back into the city lol. After a few twists and turns we ended up on 8th street and then took a left onto Dalton. The road was closed. We were sooooo close to where we needed to be! We could see where we needed to be! We took a left and another left and encountered more closed road signs. This led to some colorful language in the car lol. We found ourselves confronted with a choice. We could turn back onto 8th or go downhill on a random road under the bridge. We needed to be on a lower level anyway to connect to 50W and it looked promising. We went with the random road. We followed the road under the bridge and ended up going under the bridge long ways. It look deserted and so shady it could give sunglasses a complex. It looked dangerous, scary, like a prime location to be murdered! All at once we just stopped and said "Nope.....nope, nope, nope, NOPE!" We promptly turned around with haste and got the heck out of Dodge! We took the right back onto 8th. It was at this moment that we all started to wonder if this was some sick game and if we would never get out of the city. Maybe we would just have to stay, settle down, and resume our lives here forever. It looked bleak. Hope was fizzling like a spent sparkler on the 4th of July. My boyfriend knew that we need to cross the railroad tracks to get to 50W. We were on the wrong side of the tracks haha! And oh how we knew it after that under the bridge incident. We took a right and attempted to find a way across the tracks. Finally. Success! We found a road that went, not over, but under the tracks. That was a little scary and sketchy looking but at least we were on the right track now lol. We found 50W!!!! We all collectively signed and started to relax. There was a feeling in the air of fist pumping and high fiving. We could taste freedom. Then we saw the detour sign. The relief started to spill out of us like air out of a balloon. Don't get me wrong, we had all been laughing our heads off, some people laughing so hard they cried. One of our number gave up and took a power nap. But we truly, honestly, really really did not want to have to live here because we couldn't find our way out! We got to a big decision moment. We could stay on 50W, even with the construction and see what happened or we could take the detour. Strange, you often don't get a choice like that. We chose to stay on 50W and hope. We all held our breath. 50W did not let us down. We made it out! We were alive and free to live the rest of our lives far away from that place! Hallelujah!!!
We made it to the William Henry Harrison Memorial without incident. It's the burial place of our 9th U.S. President. He gave the longest inaugural speech and served the shorted term as president. His speech lasted nearly 2 hours and his presidency lasted 32 days. His inauguration had taken place on a cold and wet day in March. He didn't wear a hat or an overcoat and rode on horseback instead of in a carriage. After his super long speech he was in a parade and then attended 3 balls. He got Pneumonia. He was the first U.S. President to die in office. According to my boyfriend, the U.S. flag that flies above his grave is never lowered to half mast because flags flying over the grave sites of former U.S. President are never lowered to half mast. I never knew that!
I must review my first (that I can remember) visit to Skyline Chili. We asked my boyfriend to take us to a local place. Cincy is known for 3 way chili. It's a recipe I grew up eating. It's spaghetti noodles, chili, and cheese. That was the version of spaghetti I knew as a child. I was excited to get to try out the restaurant that inspired one of my childhood favorite meals. Of course, I ordered the 3 Way. I took my first bite and I was home. It tasted just like my childhood! It really took me back! I rate it an A for Awesome!
Before I end this very loooooong post, I must mention something. On our way back home, we girls had our very own detour moment! We took an exit that we thought would take us to Winchester road, but instead it was an exit to a whole other road that took us to Winchester the city! It was at this point that we started to wonder if this day could possibly be real. Surely it was dream! But whose dream, we couldn't decide. The next exit wasn't particularly close either. We just had to ride it out and hope for the best. It was hilarious! Adventures are the best! Of course, we did eventually make it home. We were soooo happy to see our dear apartment!
Well, that was my crazy Saturday. I'll remember it fondly for years to come. :)
Thanks for reading!
-Kawika
This trip was planned months ago. I recently started dating a guy I met my freshman year of college. He was there during some of my memorable college days adventures: the bus wreck, the 2 tornadoes, the flashflood, and my first broken bone are some honorable mentions. He lives near Cincinnati, OH and I live in Kentucky so it's a little bit of a long distance relationship. This trip was actually the first time we saw each other in person since we started dating. We, along with my 3 roommates, were going to meet at his apartment and go to the Cincinnati Zoo and also see some sights in the big city. None of us ladies had ever been to Cincinnati.
I must say, the zoo was the best zoo I've ever visited. I saw my first arctic fox and snow leopard there. My favorites tend to be the big cats and penguins. The lion exhibit was amazing. It wasn't labeled very well, which actually worked in our favor. We looked down a random path and were like "Wonder where this leads. Let's find out." We found my personal favorite, the lions! I am 4ft 9in. I have trouble seeing in crowds, but since the place wasn't labeled well, the crowd was small and I could see just fine. While we were there one of the lions stood up and started to roar. Of course I was transfixed. Lions are my favorite, have been since I was about 5 years old. Right after that I saw my first Manatee. I must say, the Manatee was fantastic. I could have stayed in that exhibit for hours. The underwater viewing area was very calming and worked wonders for my anxiety. We also checked out the insect exhibit. I knew it was going to be interesting and I wasn't disappointed lol. So many creepy crawlies. I did find a big glass container full of walking stick bugs. I'm a little strange. I am not afraid of spiders. I am afraid of centipedes and walking stick bugs. I got way too close to the glass before I realized what was inside! *Involuntary shiver* And some of those walking sticks were HUGE and the name for that particular variety suggested strongly that they could jump. Thanks for the nightmares Cincinnati Zoo.
There are 2 more things I'd like to say about the Cincinnati Zoo. First, we looked at the exhibit for the last carrier pigeon and my boyfriend pointed out to me that the building it was housed in was one of the original buildings for the Cincinnati Zoo. I find facts like that fascinating. It's like I get to personally encounter a piece of history. The other thing was the parking lot. I know, what could possibly be interesting about the parking lot? Well, a few weeks ago I came across a picture online of a parking lot with covered parking for cars. The parking spaces were shaded by solar panels! That's a double benefit and an inspiring idea. Cars don't get super hot and clean energy is harvested. The Cincinnati Zoo parking lot was exactly like that. I got so excited and had to explain my excitement to everyone. I mean, really, who gets excited about a parking lot?
It was after the zoo that things got really adventurous and interesting. My boyfriend wanted to show us a bit of the city. We got a bit more than we bargained for lol. That day just happened to be Comic Con and a Cincy Reds game day. Cars and people everywhere! I don't have much experience with big cities so the traffic jam didn't bother me at all. It gave me more time to take in the sights. It was very educational. I had assumed most cities were basically the same. Not so. Cincinnati is terrifying! We passed a lot of run down places with abandoned houses. The city beautification project had been around painting doors and covering windows. I found that slightly creepy. We also passed a heated yelling argument on the side of the road that involved a good sized group of people. It sounded and looked like any moment that fight was going to come to blows. It was a much bigger and rougher city than I currently live in. It was a place that you couldn't pay me to get out of the car and walk just a block on my own. I know we girls would have been freaking out if we were alone in the city without a guy. We would have hightailed it out of there fast. But we did have one guy and that made us all feel a bit more secure. I don't know how guys deal with feeling like they're in danger, especially if there are ladies present who are looking to the man for protection.
I must mention the awesome cop! We encountered a significant problem in the traffic jam. Cars crossing our road when they had the green light were blocking the intersection and when we got the green light, nobody could move forward. It was getting ridiculous when a cop showed up and stood on the street corner. He started raking people across the coals for daring to block the intersection. One man in particular got more than a mouthful from this cop. I guess the cop made an example of him because the intersection cleared up fast after that and we got to move forward. We had our windows down and shouted "THANK YOU!!" to the cop as we passed.
It was after awesome cop that we ran into trouble. One of my roommates has a great memory for turns and road names. I could not have remember so much. So, with tons of her help, this is what happened.
We took a wrong turn left onto 50E. It was the opposite direction from where we wanted to go. We took another left onto Torrence and tried to find a place to turn around. Funny enough, we passed a cul-de-sac and a parking lot where we could have turned around. One of my roommates didn't let those opportunities pass silently lol. She became quite the backseat driver and the exchanges between her and my boyfriend got funnier and funnier as we got deeper into this problem lol. We turned left onto a one way street connected to a parking lot and attempted to turn around there. Unfortunately the way the roads connected, that was impossible. Sad day. So we turned right on Madison instead and found ourselves headed back into the city. We did not need to be heading back into the city lol. After a few twists and turns we ended up on 8th street and then took a left onto Dalton. The road was closed. We were sooooo close to where we needed to be! We could see where we needed to be! We took a left and another left and encountered more closed road signs. This led to some colorful language in the car lol. We found ourselves confronted with a choice. We could turn back onto 8th or go downhill on a random road under the bridge. We needed to be on a lower level anyway to connect to 50W and it looked promising. We went with the random road. We followed the road under the bridge and ended up going under the bridge long ways. It look deserted and so shady it could give sunglasses a complex. It looked dangerous, scary, like a prime location to be murdered! All at once we just stopped and said "Nope.....nope, nope, nope, NOPE!" We promptly turned around with haste and got the heck out of Dodge! We took the right back onto 8th. It was at this moment that we all started to wonder if this was some sick game and if we would never get out of the city. Maybe we would just have to stay, settle down, and resume our lives here forever. It looked bleak. Hope was fizzling like a spent sparkler on the 4th of July. My boyfriend knew that we need to cross the railroad tracks to get to 50W. We were on the wrong side of the tracks haha! And oh how we knew it after that under the bridge incident. We took a right and attempted to find a way across the tracks. Finally. Success! We found a road that went, not over, but under the tracks. That was a little scary and sketchy looking but at least we were on the right track now lol. We found 50W!!!! We all collectively signed and started to relax. There was a feeling in the air of fist pumping and high fiving. We could taste freedom. Then we saw the detour sign. The relief started to spill out of us like air out of a balloon. Don't get me wrong, we had all been laughing our heads off, some people laughing so hard they cried. One of our number gave up and took a power nap. But we truly, honestly, really really did not want to have to live here because we couldn't find our way out! We got to a big decision moment. We could stay on 50W, even with the construction and see what happened or we could take the detour. Strange, you often don't get a choice like that. We chose to stay on 50W and hope. We all held our breath. 50W did not let us down. We made it out! We were alive and free to live the rest of our lives far away from that place! Hallelujah!!!
We made it to the William Henry Harrison Memorial without incident. It's the burial place of our 9th U.S. President. He gave the longest inaugural speech and served the shorted term as president. His speech lasted nearly 2 hours and his presidency lasted 32 days. His inauguration had taken place on a cold and wet day in March. He didn't wear a hat or an overcoat and rode on horseback instead of in a carriage. After his super long speech he was in a parade and then attended 3 balls. He got Pneumonia. He was the first U.S. President to die in office. According to my boyfriend, the U.S. flag that flies above his grave is never lowered to half mast because flags flying over the grave sites of former U.S. President are never lowered to half mast. I never knew that!
I must review my first (that I can remember) visit to Skyline Chili. We asked my boyfriend to take us to a local place. Cincy is known for 3 way chili. It's a recipe I grew up eating. It's spaghetti noodles, chili, and cheese. That was the version of spaghetti I knew as a child. I was excited to get to try out the restaurant that inspired one of my childhood favorite meals. Of course, I ordered the 3 Way. I took my first bite and I was home. It tasted just like my childhood! It really took me back! I rate it an A for Awesome!
Before I end this very loooooong post, I must mention something. On our way back home, we girls had our very own detour moment! We took an exit that we thought would take us to Winchester road, but instead it was an exit to a whole other road that took us to Winchester the city! It was at this point that we started to wonder if this day could possibly be real. Surely it was dream! But whose dream, we couldn't decide. The next exit wasn't particularly close either. We just had to ride it out and hope for the best. It was hilarious! Adventures are the best! Of course, we did eventually make it home. We were soooo happy to see our dear apartment!
Well, that was my crazy Saturday. I'll remember it fondly for years to come. :)
Thanks for reading!
-Kawika
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
You Have Committed Crimes Against Skyrim And Her People
What say I in my defense? I say I was framed! I was wrongfully charged! The punishment does not match the crime at least lol. This game won't stop glitching on me! Of course, I was finishing up a quest that landed me in prison for life because I stepped on the wrong people's toes. That was expected. It was easily remedied. I just killed the king of the Forsworn, took his key, and got the heck out of Dodge. Things got interesting after that. I was confronted with a series of glitches. First I was caught trespassing in Markarth. I sheathed my weapons and the guards did not attempt an arrest. They just tried to kill me. It was cute until the crazy lightning guy joined the battle. So, I'm running for my life all over the city. I enter my house and sleep. Lay low and hope it all blows over. I walk out of my house, hoping to at least get the chance to pay my 5 gold fine so I can walk down the street in peace. Nope. Stepped out of my house, arrows, angry voices, and the reappearance of crazy lightning guy.
I decided to leave town and see if maybe later they would reconsider their intense wish to kill me.
On the way to my main hub (Whiterun), I ran into another glitch. I see a deer in the distance. I'm an archer and craft a lot. I took out the deer, but while I'm walking up to collect the deer skin a crazy soldier comes out of nowhere and tries to annihilate me! It's an imperial soldier. I haven't offended them since whatever I did at the beginning of the game when they wanted to behead me. Maybe they changed their minds. I easily kill the mad man and then notice a noble on a horse, panicking. This soldier was the typical guard for the self important traveling noble. You see him periodically if you don't fast travel a lot. Now, what on earth did I do to make him randomly attack? As soon as I killed him, in self defense might I add, I was notified that I had a 1000 gold bounty for Whiterun. But he started it! Lol. It's not fair! I know, life's not fair. But this is a video game, not real life lol.
If that wasn't weird enough, I soon ran into the same exact glitch. Another bloodthirsty imperial soldier guarding a noble on horseback. What was going on?
Later, I bought a horse and made my way back to Markarth. The guards weren't happy to see me. But at least they attempted to arrest me instead of just execute me. Instead of the 5 gold fine, somehow I owed 1,400 something gold! Let me clarify that at no point during their attempted execution did I hit or kill anyone. The bounty for killing the imperial soldier was on my Whiterun tab. It was a blow to my wallet, but that's the price you pay for peace.
It didn't stop there. While successfully "borrowing" a horse from the stables in Whiterun, I was notified that I had a 40 gold bounty in Eastmarch. I was in Whiterun. Okay, so I was stealing a horse in Whiterun, but I didn't get caught. Why was I being fined in Eastmarch? I hadn't even visited Eastmarch in that file! Things were getting a bit too weird. After several more minutes of playing, my console promptly froze. This is always a sad moment, though it seems to happen frequently.
Glitches can be frustrating, entertaining, and sometimes helpful. This particular time was more amusing than anything else. Though that over 1000 gold fine for a 5 gold crime irritated me a little lol. Oh, and I got my revenge on crazy lightning dude! Though it happened through another glitch. He was waiting for me outside the city. When I walked up he asked me if I'd seen anyone entering or leaving this house. Huh? Sir, this is a city, not a house. I had encountered this quest in other files, so I knew what he was referring to, but that was weird and random. I recognize his name as the crazy lightning guy that had chased me through that same city not long before. He led me to the house. We discover an evil presence. Furniture flies all over the place. Lightning guy loses his cool when the disembodied voice tells us to kill each other and attacks me with his lightning again. I'm quicker and take him out with two arrows. Ha! That's what you get crazy lightning dude!
Can you tell it was my day off today?
So, I'm wondering. What are your interesting video game glitch stories? I'd love to hear them.
Thanks for reading! Who knows what my next post might be about lol.
-Kawika
I decided to leave town and see if maybe later they would reconsider their intense wish to kill me.
On the way to my main hub (Whiterun), I ran into another glitch. I see a deer in the distance. I'm an archer and craft a lot. I took out the deer, but while I'm walking up to collect the deer skin a crazy soldier comes out of nowhere and tries to annihilate me! It's an imperial soldier. I haven't offended them since whatever I did at the beginning of the game when they wanted to behead me. Maybe they changed their minds. I easily kill the mad man and then notice a noble on a horse, panicking. This soldier was the typical guard for the self important traveling noble. You see him periodically if you don't fast travel a lot. Now, what on earth did I do to make him randomly attack? As soon as I killed him, in self defense might I add, I was notified that I had a 1000 gold bounty for Whiterun. But he started it! Lol. It's not fair! I know, life's not fair. But this is a video game, not real life lol.
If that wasn't weird enough, I soon ran into the same exact glitch. Another bloodthirsty imperial soldier guarding a noble on horseback. What was going on?
Later, I bought a horse and made my way back to Markarth. The guards weren't happy to see me. But at least they attempted to arrest me instead of just execute me. Instead of the 5 gold fine, somehow I owed 1,400 something gold! Let me clarify that at no point during their attempted execution did I hit or kill anyone. The bounty for killing the imperial soldier was on my Whiterun tab. It was a blow to my wallet, but that's the price you pay for peace.
It didn't stop there. While successfully "borrowing" a horse from the stables in Whiterun, I was notified that I had a 40 gold bounty in Eastmarch. I was in Whiterun. Okay, so I was stealing a horse in Whiterun, but I didn't get caught. Why was I being fined in Eastmarch? I hadn't even visited Eastmarch in that file! Things were getting a bit too weird. After several more minutes of playing, my console promptly froze. This is always a sad moment, though it seems to happen frequently.
Glitches can be frustrating, entertaining, and sometimes helpful. This particular time was more amusing than anything else. Though that over 1000 gold fine for a 5 gold crime irritated me a little lol. Oh, and I got my revenge on crazy lightning dude! Though it happened through another glitch. He was waiting for me outside the city. When I walked up he asked me if I'd seen anyone entering or leaving this house. Huh? Sir, this is a city, not a house. I had encountered this quest in other files, so I knew what he was referring to, but that was weird and random. I recognize his name as the crazy lightning guy that had chased me through that same city not long before. He led me to the house. We discover an evil presence. Furniture flies all over the place. Lightning guy loses his cool when the disembodied voice tells us to kill each other and attacks me with his lightning again. I'm quicker and take him out with two arrows. Ha! That's what you get crazy lightning dude!
Can you tell it was my day off today?
So, I'm wondering. What are your interesting video game glitch stories? I'd love to hear them.
Thanks for reading! Who knows what my next post might be about lol.
-Kawika
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Where Have My Dancing Shoes Gone?
So I've been reminiscing about my old dancing days. It's a mixed bag of fantastic memories and some sadness, a little bit of pain. I was a very very shy person in high school. I was nervous and would trip over my words if more than one person was looking at me when I was talking. Presentations in front of class were one of the most terrifying things I could imagine. I was not comfortable in my own skin. Most of my friends before college might not know this about me, but the personality I had most of my school years was a mask personality.
I will go a bit deep in this post, so for all my fellow survivors, here is your Trigger warning.
Things were not okay at home. From 5th grade to Senior year of high school, many days I would get off the school bus after school and face horrendous sexual abuse. It was my reality. It could happen at any moment. I usually didn't know I wasn't safe until the door was shut and I was blocked from exiting a room, or friendly wrestling took a drastic turn. I couldn't face what was happening. My mind could not process the fact that I was helpless, so instead I blamed myself for what happened. Instead of being myself, I had rigid rules for myself. I was so hard on myself. I picked up a quiet, organized, serious personality. That is actually the opposite of my true personality. I became an observer of life instead of someone who actually lived. It was horrible.
Then something changed Junior year of high school. My abuser laid off for a time. He pursued other interests in his life. The number of days between abuse sessions got bigger and bigger. I started to relax and my mask started to come off a little bit. My voice got louder, though still quiet. I got a little braver. Then of course the amazing class, Visual and Performing Arts, happened. This class was pulled out of my worst nightmares. You didn't just do presentations, you didn't just speak in front of class. You choreographed your own dances and danced them in front of class. You composed your own melodies and played them in front of class. You demonstrated music elements by actually singing in front of class. You acted in class. It pulled nearly everyone out of their comfort zones. It was uncomfortable and strangely liberating at the same time. Eventually the whole class just silently agreed that anything that happened in that class would never be mocked outside of class. We're talking choreographing ballet dances and performing them in front of class. Yeah.
Our teacher announced one day that he was starting a dance club. "Oh, extra torture, no thanks!" was my first thoughts on the subject. But I had a very persistent friend. Not going to mention any names but I've known him since we were 4 years old and in preschool. He came up to me and asked me if I was going to the first dance club meeting after school. I tried to dodge the subject, shake it off, even told him I probably wouldn't. My communication skills weren't nearly as straightforward as they are today. He asked me so many times if I was going that I lost count. Eventually, he wore me down and I gave in. Against all odds, I was there for that first dance club meeting. And the one after that. And the next one after that. In those meetings, I relaxed a bit more. I wasn't being graded or evaluated. I could just dance and have fun. I found out that I LOVE to dance. I was made to dance. Dancing woke up something inside me that until that moment was dormant. It unlocked the door to my self made cage and for a little while, I was just myself, free. Dancing felt right. It calmed and excited me at the same time. My nervousness and shyness just slipped away for a while. I literally got chills.
Funny how one thing leads to another thing. And that thing leads to yet another thing until you have a long line of events that lead to something you never imagined was possible. During one of those after school dance club meetings I got paired with the guy who would become my long term dance partner. He had performed in dance shows before and he really knew his stuff. I remember that first time we were paired together. By himself, he taught me how to dance the Swing dance. I can still hear his coaching "Triple step, triple step, rock step." One thing led to another and I found myself committed to performing in a next dance show. HUGE step for me. Dance meetings turned into dance practices. The more I learned, the more I practiced, the more I fell in love with dancing. I ended up dancing in two different dance shows, in front of the whole school, and other schools. Crazy how that happens.
How did I get to where I am today? I don't dance these days. I haven't really danced in years. Years and years. Why? It's a question I've asked myself a lot. But when I looked a little deeper into the why, I found myself pulling back because there was something deep and painful there. Besides a small ballroom dance class I took for my required physical activity credit in college, I haven't danced since high school. Not doing something you love takes a toll on you over the years. I guess a lot of different things happened in quick succession my Senior year of high school.
The night before the first day of school my dad came into my room and told me that police had found my uncle wrecked on the side of the road. He was already gone when they found him. This was a huge blow. I was so close to my uncle. I opened up with him in ways I didn't open up with anyone else. I had been super excited about getting off the school bus after my first day of school and telling him all about my day. All of a sudden, that couldn't happen. It could never happen again.
That January, my abuser broke his long break from abusing me. It happened so suddenly. It felt unreal. My world was crashing down around me. That night my boyfriend at the time convinced me that I had to tell an adult about what was happening. It wasn't going to stop happening. He didn't get off the phone until I promised him I would tell someone, immediately, before my abuser could get a hold of me again. After he hung up he and his family prayed for me. It was a terrible night. My parents went nuts. I don't even want to go into how crazy things got. That's around the time that my PTSD hit me like a Mack truck. All of a sudden I was afraid of a million and one things. Every boy and man was terrifying to me. I couldn't relax, ever. I wasn't okay and I couldn't hide it anymore. Add to that some unsupportive family members, some harsh words, some sweeping under the rug, the sudden end of a relationship that I treasured deeply, and a crazy jump into living in college dorms where I could be safe, but where I actually struggled with worse PTSD, depression, anxiety, and serious thoughts of suicide. It marked the beginning of the darkest years of my life. Those dark years didn't end until nearly 3 years ago.
On the other side of those dark years I am not the shy, cautious girl I was in high school. Through so much healing work and facing my past, my true personality broke through the mask for good. These days my voice is louder than it ever was before. My motions bigger. My facial expressions unrestrained. I laugh comfortably and loudly. I'm actually a witty person and a bigger nerd than ever. That's saying something when you consider that I was also in the chess club in high school lol. On top on that, a few months ago something clicked inside me and I started to understand innuendo. It really threw my cousins for a loop when I understood their jokes, and laughed at them. I laughed so hard I cried! All of a sudden, jokes like that weren't threatening to me anymore.
I've made so much progress, but why have I not started dancing again? I'm still stuck there. There's still a deep wound there and I don't quite understand it and when I examine it it stings. I think about dancing and I feel like crying. Maybe that's a sign that I'm close to bringing this to the surface and healing. I don't know. I sure hope so. I signed up to serve on my church's dance team. I have to face this stuff. I refuse to be robbed of something I love by just not challenging the pain. It's worth it and need to keep reminding myself that I'm worth it. I can't wait to put on my dancing shoes again and rock out on the dance floor, whether that dance floor is the stage at church or my kitchen. When you're passionate about something, you gotta pursue it. Why wouldn't you?
I will go a bit deep in this post, so for all my fellow survivors, here is your Trigger warning.
Things were not okay at home. From 5th grade to Senior year of high school, many days I would get off the school bus after school and face horrendous sexual abuse. It was my reality. It could happen at any moment. I usually didn't know I wasn't safe until the door was shut and I was blocked from exiting a room, or friendly wrestling took a drastic turn. I couldn't face what was happening. My mind could not process the fact that I was helpless, so instead I blamed myself for what happened. Instead of being myself, I had rigid rules for myself. I was so hard on myself. I picked up a quiet, organized, serious personality. That is actually the opposite of my true personality. I became an observer of life instead of someone who actually lived. It was horrible.
Then something changed Junior year of high school. My abuser laid off for a time. He pursued other interests in his life. The number of days between abuse sessions got bigger and bigger. I started to relax and my mask started to come off a little bit. My voice got louder, though still quiet. I got a little braver. Then of course the amazing class, Visual and Performing Arts, happened. This class was pulled out of my worst nightmares. You didn't just do presentations, you didn't just speak in front of class. You choreographed your own dances and danced them in front of class. You composed your own melodies and played them in front of class. You demonstrated music elements by actually singing in front of class. You acted in class. It pulled nearly everyone out of their comfort zones. It was uncomfortable and strangely liberating at the same time. Eventually the whole class just silently agreed that anything that happened in that class would never be mocked outside of class. We're talking choreographing ballet dances and performing them in front of class. Yeah.
Our teacher announced one day that he was starting a dance club. "Oh, extra torture, no thanks!" was my first thoughts on the subject. But I had a very persistent friend. Not going to mention any names but I've known him since we were 4 years old and in preschool. He came up to me and asked me if I was going to the first dance club meeting after school. I tried to dodge the subject, shake it off, even told him I probably wouldn't. My communication skills weren't nearly as straightforward as they are today. He asked me so many times if I was going that I lost count. Eventually, he wore me down and I gave in. Against all odds, I was there for that first dance club meeting. And the one after that. And the next one after that. In those meetings, I relaxed a bit more. I wasn't being graded or evaluated. I could just dance and have fun. I found out that I LOVE to dance. I was made to dance. Dancing woke up something inside me that until that moment was dormant. It unlocked the door to my self made cage and for a little while, I was just myself, free. Dancing felt right. It calmed and excited me at the same time. My nervousness and shyness just slipped away for a while. I literally got chills.
Funny how one thing leads to another thing. And that thing leads to yet another thing until you have a long line of events that lead to something you never imagined was possible. During one of those after school dance club meetings I got paired with the guy who would become my long term dance partner. He had performed in dance shows before and he really knew his stuff. I remember that first time we were paired together. By himself, he taught me how to dance the Swing dance. I can still hear his coaching "Triple step, triple step, rock step." One thing led to another and I found myself committed to performing in a next dance show. HUGE step for me. Dance meetings turned into dance practices. The more I learned, the more I practiced, the more I fell in love with dancing. I ended up dancing in two different dance shows, in front of the whole school, and other schools. Crazy how that happens.
How did I get to where I am today? I don't dance these days. I haven't really danced in years. Years and years. Why? It's a question I've asked myself a lot. But when I looked a little deeper into the why, I found myself pulling back because there was something deep and painful there. Besides a small ballroom dance class I took for my required physical activity credit in college, I haven't danced since high school. Not doing something you love takes a toll on you over the years. I guess a lot of different things happened in quick succession my Senior year of high school.
The night before the first day of school my dad came into my room and told me that police had found my uncle wrecked on the side of the road. He was already gone when they found him. This was a huge blow. I was so close to my uncle. I opened up with him in ways I didn't open up with anyone else. I had been super excited about getting off the school bus after my first day of school and telling him all about my day. All of a sudden, that couldn't happen. It could never happen again.
That January, my abuser broke his long break from abusing me. It happened so suddenly. It felt unreal. My world was crashing down around me. That night my boyfriend at the time convinced me that I had to tell an adult about what was happening. It wasn't going to stop happening. He didn't get off the phone until I promised him I would tell someone, immediately, before my abuser could get a hold of me again. After he hung up he and his family prayed for me. It was a terrible night. My parents went nuts. I don't even want to go into how crazy things got. That's around the time that my PTSD hit me like a Mack truck. All of a sudden I was afraid of a million and one things. Every boy and man was terrifying to me. I couldn't relax, ever. I wasn't okay and I couldn't hide it anymore. Add to that some unsupportive family members, some harsh words, some sweeping under the rug, the sudden end of a relationship that I treasured deeply, and a crazy jump into living in college dorms where I could be safe, but where I actually struggled with worse PTSD, depression, anxiety, and serious thoughts of suicide. It marked the beginning of the darkest years of my life. Those dark years didn't end until nearly 3 years ago.
On the other side of those dark years I am not the shy, cautious girl I was in high school. Through so much healing work and facing my past, my true personality broke through the mask for good. These days my voice is louder than it ever was before. My motions bigger. My facial expressions unrestrained. I laugh comfortably and loudly. I'm actually a witty person and a bigger nerd than ever. That's saying something when you consider that I was also in the chess club in high school lol. On top on that, a few months ago something clicked inside me and I started to understand innuendo. It really threw my cousins for a loop when I understood their jokes, and laughed at them. I laughed so hard I cried! All of a sudden, jokes like that weren't threatening to me anymore.
I've made so much progress, but why have I not started dancing again? I'm still stuck there. There's still a deep wound there and I don't quite understand it and when I examine it it stings. I think about dancing and I feel like crying. Maybe that's a sign that I'm close to bringing this to the surface and healing. I don't know. I sure hope so. I signed up to serve on my church's dance team. I have to face this stuff. I refuse to be robbed of something I love by just not challenging the pain. It's worth it and need to keep reminding myself that I'm worth it. I can't wait to put on my dancing shoes again and rock out on the dance floor, whether that dance floor is the stage at church or my kitchen. When you're passionate about something, you gotta pursue it. Why wouldn't you?
Monday, September 15, 2014
The Spark That Caught The World On Fire
Do you ever have times in your life when you don't understand yourself? I don't know if it's a common or rare thing. I've been going through a period of time where I don't quite understand myself. I can't figure myself out. My own heart and mind is a mystery to me and it's driving me crazy. It's like I'm stuck with all the emotions and next to no facts to go with them. I just feel a deep ache on the inside. I'm not depressed. There's some sadness there and regret, but it's mixed with hope and good memories. There's something I'm passionate about that has been set to the side for a long time. While the passion in me is still alive, I'm not sure that it can survive. It's like I've discovered a small spark inside me that, once discovered, jumped right back into being a flame again. But I don't know if that flame can live. Should I smother it now? If I don't it could be stomped into the ground and extinguished. I don't know if I could bear that. But it almost feels worse to kill it off myself and never know if it could have thrived.
I speak in metaphors a lot. I'm just so unsure of what to do. I wish I could just borrow God's eyes for a moment and look at my heart. He knows exactly what's there even if I don't. If I could just see it plainly, know my own heart for a moment, I think I would know what to do. As it stands right now, I don't have a clue. If I could know my own heart, no matter what it said, I would be confident and know what to do. No risk would be too great because I would know what I really wanted and I would try. Reach for the stars even if I fall, I would rather fail than never try.
I speak in metaphors a lot. I'm just so unsure of what to do. I wish I could just borrow God's eyes for a moment and look at my heart. He knows exactly what's there even if I don't. If I could just see it plainly, know my own heart for a moment, I think I would know what to do. As it stands right now, I don't have a clue. If I could know my own heart, no matter what it said, I would be confident and know what to do. No risk would be too great because I would know what I really wanted and I would try. Reach for the stars even if I fall, I would rather fail than never try.
Friday, September 12, 2014
My Cover Has Been Blown!
So yeah, I just slipped to a friend of mine that I have a blog. That's just more evidence to the fact that over the years I've come more and more out of my shell and gotten in touch with my extravert side. A lot of people knew about my first blog, Simply Life by Faith. I shared it on Facebook and told people about it. This blog has been flying under the radar since I started it. I haven't "gone public" with my new blog. Not even with my roommates! I have a new blog and I changed my screen name. I got tired of the confusion with the 2 possible meanings of my old screen name, 2 very different meanings lol. I wanted a clean slate and I went for it. My first blog is still online and available to be read. Posts range from early 2011 to not too long ago. I dropped off after a while when things got really hard in my life. I came back rarely to write out my feelings. It's not easy to read, it's really emotional. . . I'm feeling a random subject change coming on. . .
Assassin Training Update!
After taking it easy for three days and just completing my 2 small daily quests, I have made a full recovery and jumped back into my strength training today! Hooray! I really really overdid it that first time. Who knew that going from terribly out of shape and never exercising to doing circuits of 20 squats, 20 lunges, 10 push ups, etc would be too much? I thought I was being careful. What I didn't know was that the sore muscles don't come until the next day. So this time I scaled down the numbers. I'll know tomorrow if I under or overestimated lol. I love how Nerd Fitness makes something so hard to do so easy and actually really fun. I just realized how terrifying of an idea a hobbit assassin is lol!
I spent a good chunk of my day watching my roommates' playing Skyrim. I guess I contributed more hours to it than I had thought. I have the crazy ability to look up at the screen during any given moment and know where in Skyrim they are and what quest they're on and often where they're stuck. I've given directions to them to find places without needing to look at the map. I would be impressed with myself, but then I remember that in the real world, I don't know my city or even apartment complex as well as I know the landscape of Skyrim.
I haven't been playing Skyrim lately. I have been putting my energies into Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I seriously consider it training. I have a possible appearance on a Let's Play coming up for the new Super Smash Bros. for Wii U. I am so out of practice and I will be representing all girl gamers out there. I can't let my fellow girl gamers down! We are a rare and beautiful phenomenon and we can really kick butt whether we're fighting dragons, goombas, badniks, zombies, the flood, ReDeads, creepers, or just simply disobeying the narrator in The Stanley Parable.
Well, I think I've reached my cut off point. Since my new job has me starting at 6am I need to get a head start on the whole going to sleep earlier so I can function at dawn thing lol.
Thanks for reading!
Assassin Training Update!
After taking it easy for three days and just completing my 2 small daily quests, I have made a full recovery and jumped back into my strength training today! Hooray! I really really overdid it that first time. Who knew that going from terribly out of shape and never exercising to doing circuits of 20 squats, 20 lunges, 10 push ups, etc would be too much? I thought I was being careful. What I didn't know was that the sore muscles don't come until the next day. So this time I scaled down the numbers. I'll know tomorrow if I under or overestimated lol. I love how Nerd Fitness makes something so hard to do so easy and actually really fun. I just realized how terrifying of an idea a hobbit assassin is lol!
I spent a good chunk of my day watching my roommates' playing Skyrim. I guess I contributed more hours to it than I had thought. I have the crazy ability to look up at the screen during any given moment and know where in Skyrim they are and what quest they're on and often where they're stuck. I've given directions to them to find places without needing to look at the map. I would be impressed with myself, but then I remember that in the real world, I don't know my city or even apartment complex as well as I know the landscape of Skyrim.
I haven't been playing Skyrim lately. I have been putting my energies into Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I seriously consider it training. I have a possible appearance on a Let's Play coming up for the new Super Smash Bros. for Wii U. I am so out of practice and I will be representing all girl gamers out there. I can't let my fellow girl gamers down! We are a rare and beautiful phenomenon and we can really kick butt whether we're fighting dragons, goombas, badniks, zombies, the flood, ReDeads, creepers, or just simply disobeying the narrator in The Stanley Parable.
Well, I think I've reached my cut off point. Since my new job has me starting at 6am I need to get a head start on the whole going to sleep earlier so I can function at dawn thing lol.
Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Assassin Training
A good friend of mine shared a quote from his pastor on one of his podcasts. The quote was: "Anything God does spiritually through you happens through your body. Why would you not want to take care of it?" It really reached out and grabbed my attention. I had never thought about it that way before. I am not really anywhere near what would be considered fit or healthy. I've fought with weight gain and health problems. I'm a woman so of course this whole area is a constant emotional battle. But my friend also had another good point. We as a society place so much emphasis on looks and not so much on health. That made me realize that I also have approached this whole health and fitness issue from a looks perspective. Hearing his thoughts on the subject was like a breath of fresh air. Looks are here today and gone tomorrow. Life is so short. Why be so concerned with what other people think? What's really important is my health and relationship with God. I never want my choices and habits to stand in the way of my relationship with God.
So what did I do. Thinking the right thoughts is only part of the battle. I can think all day but it really comes down to what am I going to do about it. I didn't let it stop with just thoughts this time. I took action. I found a little something online called Nerd Fitness. Being the gamer and nerd that I am, the whole concept of relating fitness to leveling up your life and turning life into a big video game really appealed to me. I took the step and signed up. I get daily emails full of useful information, encouragement, and quests. I have now completed several quests and I really like this whole system. I'm feeling hopeful about my health and fitness for the first time in a long time. I'm taking it one day at a time, one quest at a time. I actually did my first strength training workout yesterday. I'm really feeling it today. In my enthusiasm I overdid it. My muscles are so sore today that when I got to the bottom step of my stairs, I looked up and wondered how I was going to get to the top lol. Despite that, I'm not discouraged. I'm encouraged by my determination that caused me to overdo it. If I can push through a workout and accidentally do too much, it's not a stretch to believe that I can actually do this. I made a mistake, but now I'm better informed and therefore better prepared for next time.
Nerd Fitness, in the mission to turn life and especially fitness into a big video game, involves choosing your race and class, just like in an RPG. Okay, so race isn't something you can really choose. Based on the criteria, I am a Hobbit. Not surprised there. When you're only 4 ft 9in you come to expect it lol. But your class is entirely up to you and what you want to become. I chose assassin. Assassins are the type to look at the world as a giant playground. Think of Assassin's Creed. For a short time at the beginning of college I was skinny and I was climbing everything I came across. It was so much fun rediscovering how to climb trees, fences, and anything that I could pull myself up onto. When you weigh less that list of climbable things grows to an impressive length. I can't wait to get back to that.
Well, this post will be cut short due to my roommates insistence that I surrender the computer so we can watch Big Brother.
I really need to think of a cool thing to say at the end of my posts lol. Also, thank you to a certain red haired friend of mine. You're creative titles in your Let's Play videos has inspired me.
So what did I do. Thinking the right thoughts is only part of the battle. I can think all day but it really comes down to what am I going to do about it. I didn't let it stop with just thoughts this time. I took action. I found a little something online called Nerd Fitness. Being the gamer and nerd that I am, the whole concept of relating fitness to leveling up your life and turning life into a big video game really appealed to me. I took the step and signed up. I get daily emails full of useful information, encouragement, and quests. I have now completed several quests and I really like this whole system. I'm feeling hopeful about my health and fitness for the first time in a long time. I'm taking it one day at a time, one quest at a time. I actually did my first strength training workout yesterday. I'm really feeling it today. In my enthusiasm I overdid it. My muscles are so sore today that when I got to the bottom step of my stairs, I looked up and wondered how I was going to get to the top lol. Despite that, I'm not discouraged. I'm encouraged by my determination that caused me to overdo it. If I can push through a workout and accidentally do too much, it's not a stretch to believe that I can actually do this. I made a mistake, but now I'm better informed and therefore better prepared for next time.
Nerd Fitness, in the mission to turn life and especially fitness into a big video game, involves choosing your race and class, just like in an RPG. Okay, so race isn't something you can really choose. Based on the criteria, I am a Hobbit. Not surprised there. When you're only 4 ft 9in you come to expect it lol. But your class is entirely up to you and what you want to become. I chose assassin. Assassins are the type to look at the world as a giant playground. Think of Assassin's Creed. For a short time at the beginning of college I was skinny and I was climbing everything I came across. It was so much fun rediscovering how to climb trees, fences, and anything that I could pull myself up onto. When you weigh less that list of climbable things grows to an impressive length. I can't wait to get back to that.
Well, this post will be cut short due to my roommates insistence that I surrender the computer so we can watch Big Brother.
I really need to think of a cool thing to say at the end of my posts lol. Also, thank you to a certain red haired friend of mine. You're creative titles in your Let's Play videos has inspired me.
Monday, September 8, 2014
Our Hope and Our Mission
I haven't figured out how often I want to post on here. I would like to come up with a regular schedule for that, but knowing me I'll do everything but the schedule I land on. So maybe it's safer to just not have a plan right now. I'm one of those creative, unorganized types if you haven't figured that out from my first post lol.
A lot happened yesterday and not so much today so I'll probably talk more about yesterday. Yesterday the capital "C" Church just blew me away! My church is going through a rough time these past two weeks. We've lost our lead pastor and our executive pastor. It's a big church with multiple pastors. It wasn't an instance of our pastors choosing to serve somewhere else. It was more of one of those moments that makes your heart hurt, anger boil, and really challenges your already shaky ability to trust. Originally our church staff, governing board, elders, and remaining pastors didn't know how our church would react. An emergency meeting of church leaders and members was called. I'm a member, so I was there and saw this first hand. One of our pastors read out from the stage the statement that was later posted on our church website of the incident. I could feel the waves of disbelief and numbness wash over us all. We were all listening hard and I think we were all listening for the same thing because when he got to a certain part of the statement we all jumped to our feet. That part was "We remain utterly committed to the mission of transforming unconvinced people into wholehearted followers of Jesus." It was like a bomb went off in the auditorium! A 500 strong crowd jumped to its feet and cheered and clapped. I saw the looks on our pastors' faces. This was not the reaction they had been expecting at all. It was a moment that I will treasure. I was and am so proud of my church. Our main concern was the mission that God gave us. We weren't a crowd of people mindlessly following some charismatic leaders. We were truly changed, on fire people with hearts beating as one for the gospel of Jesus. From that moment, our church has been stronger, closer, and more unified.
Of course, that was the leader and member meeting. Our church averages an attendance of around 5,000 people on our weekend services across our 4 campuses. I was serving this weekend on speaker support, so I got to attend all 3 of our services. I'm so proud of my leaders. They got back up on that stage for every service and read out the statement. We were not going to sweep this under the rug. We were going to be honest, transparent, and address the truth. I was holding my breath, daring to hope. At the same moment, same part of the statement about being committed to the mission, the people in that auditorium jumped to their feet and cheered, just like we did in that leader/member meeting. It happened every single service. What's more, we had more people attend this weekend than I can ever remember! We were parking cars in the field next to our building because we ran out of parking spaces!!! Our intermittent lead pastor shared with us that many local churches had been praying for us. Two of them even driving around in our parking lot during the week, praying. An outpouring of prayer and support came from our partner churches and local christian schools. What you would expect to kill a church, instead made us stronger and pulled together the capital "C" Church. I could feel it in the air. Jesus is here, taking something horrible and turning it around for good for His Church (Romans 8:28). We're still grieving over this tragedy, but we don't grieve as people who have no hope. We're bursting with hope. I can't wait to see what Jesus is going to do next!
A lot happened yesterday and not so much today so I'll probably talk more about yesterday. Yesterday the capital "C" Church just blew me away! My church is going through a rough time these past two weeks. We've lost our lead pastor and our executive pastor. It's a big church with multiple pastors. It wasn't an instance of our pastors choosing to serve somewhere else. It was more of one of those moments that makes your heart hurt, anger boil, and really challenges your already shaky ability to trust. Originally our church staff, governing board, elders, and remaining pastors didn't know how our church would react. An emergency meeting of church leaders and members was called. I'm a member, so I was there and saw this first hand. One of our pastors read out from the stage the statement that was later posted on our church website of the incident. I could feel the waves of disbelief and numbness wash over us all. We were all listening hard and I think we were all listening for the same thing because when he got to a certain part of the statement we all jumped to our feet. That part was "We remain utterly committed to the mission of transforming unconvinced people into wholehearted followers of Jesus." It was like a bomb went off in the auditorium! A 500 strong crowd jumped to its feet and cheered and clapped. I saw the looks on our pastors' faces. This was not the reaction they had been expecting at all. It was a moment that I will treasure. I was and am so proud of my church. Our main concern was the mission that God gave us. We weren't a crowd of people mindlessly following some charismatic leaders. We were truly changed, on fire people with hearts beating as one for the gospel of Jesus. From that moment, our church has been stronger, closer, and more unified.
Of course, that was the leader and member meeting. Our church averages an attendance of around 5,000 people on our weekend services across our 4 campuses. I was serving this weekend on speaker support, so I got to attend all 3 of our services. I'm so proud of my leaders. They got back up on that stage for every service and read out the statement. We were not going to sweep this under the rug. We were going to be honest, transparent, and address the truth. I was holding my breath, daring to hope. At the same moment, same part of the statement about being committed to the mission, the people in that auditorium jumped to their feet and cheered, just like we did in that leader/member meeting. It happened every single service. What's more, we had more people attend this weekend than I can ever remember! We were parking cars in the field next to our building because we ran out of parking spaces!!! Our intermittent lead pastor shared with us that many local churches had been praying for us. Two of them even driving around in our parking lot during the week, praying. An outpouring of prayer and support came from our partner churches and local christian schools. What you would expect to kill a church, instead made us stronger and pulled together the capital "C" Church. I could feel it in the air. Jesus is here, taking something horrible and turning it around for good for His Church (Romans 8:28). We're still grieving over this tragedy, but we don't grieve as people who have no hope. We're bursting with hope. I can't wait to see what Jesus is going to do next!
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates . . .
So, how to begin. Now that I've finally made the leap of starting this new blog it looks like I'll have to actually find something to talk about. Since this is a first post and introductory that shouldn't be too hard. I'm not ready to make the leap of giving out my real name, it's a bit unique. So in fitting with the title of this blog and my screen name I'll refer to myself by my middle name, Kawika. That's pronounced with the "w" sounding like a "v." Kawika is a Hawaiian name. If you do your research you'll discover that Kawika is the Hawaiianized version of the name David. Yes, I am female. Yes, my parents gave me a boy's name. But if you research the name David, you'll find that it means "Beloved." Therefore, Kawika means "Beloved." I think it's beautiful and it also makes me feel better lol.
What will I be talking about in this blog? Well, a bit of everything. In my previous blog, Simply Life by Faith, I wrote about topics ranging from light-hearted to heavy and deep. Being a female I don't compartmentalize well and this blog will likely be a mixture. I don't shy away from talking about God or hard issues like mental illness. This is not a blog for the faint of heart. But there will be plenty of fun mixed in. Just like in life, everything is mixed together. Life hands us things in a jumble, not in organized packages. Just like Forrest Gump said, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." This blog will be similar and that's not a bad thing.
It would have made a lot of sense for me to just continue posting in my previous blog, seeing as my approach to blogging hasn't changed. However, it has been a very long time since I really wrote in my blog and I was looking for a fresh start. Life is a journey and my life has changed drastically since I started that blog. I thought that since God has been teaching me about love and how much He loves me, Simply Loved would be a good title. That's what I've been discovering lately. I grew up hearing that God loves me. I took Him up on His offer 13 years ago and surrendered to His love and gave Him my life. The insane thing about God is His love is so deep and so overflowing that after 13 years of walking with Him, I'm still learning more about His love. It's so deep there is no end.
So I think I'll end this first post with a list of possible and probable topics so you know what you're getting into. I'll be writing about:
God
The Church
Ministry
Video Games
Comics and Books
Nerd Culture
Dr. Who
Anime
Movies
Arts
Music
Gardening
Sustainable Living
Health and Fitness
Psychology and Mental Disorders
The demons of our pasts (ex. past abuse, unhealthy patterns)
It probably doesn't clear up much. Like I said, I'll be writing about everything. So stay tuned and thank you for reading my blog.
I gotta think of a cool catchphrase and put it here. Suggestions are welcome!
What will I be talking about in this blog? Well, a bit of everything. In my previous blog, Simply Life by Faith, I wrote about topics ranging from light-hearted to heavy and deep. Being a female I don't compartmentalize well and this blog will likely be a mixture. I don't shy away from talking about God or hard issues like mental illness. This is not a blog for the faint of heart. But there will be plenty of fun mixed in. Just like in life, everything is mixed together. Life hands us things in a jumble, not in organized packages. Just like Forrest Gump said, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." This blog will be similar and that's not a bad thing.
It would have made a lot of sense for me to just continue posting in my previous blog, seeing as my approach to blogging hasn't changed. However, it has been a very long time since I really wrote in my blog and I was looking for a fresh start. Life is a journey and my life has changed drastically since I started that blog. I thought that since God has been teaching me about love and how much He loves me, Simply Loved would be a good title. That's what I've been discovering lately. I grew up hearing that God loves me. I took Him up on His offer 13 years ago and surrendered to His love and gave Him my life. The insane thing about God is His love is so deep and so overflowing that after 13 years of walking with Him, I'm still learning more about His love. It's so deep there is no end.
So I think I'll end this first post with a list of possible and probable topics so you know what you're getting into. I'll be writing about:
God
The Church
Ministry
Video Games
Comics and Books
Nerd Culture
Dr. Who
Anime
Movies
Arts
Music
Gardening
Sustainable Living
Health and Fitness
Psychology and Mental Disorders
The demons of our pasts (ex. past abuse, unhealthy patterns)
It probably doesn't clear up much. Like I said, I'll be writing about everything. So stay tuned and thank you for reading my blog.
I gotta think of a cool catchphrase and put it here. Suggestions are welcome!
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